1. Focus on Efficiency

This might sound counter-intuitive. Efficiency is usually a positive sign. However, when coaching powerfully, a focus on efficiency leads to a build-up of pressure and the willingness to rush through the coaching session. The intention of the coach to be fully present with the client gets overshadowed by the intention to perform. This leads to impatience, triggers the sympathetic nervous system of the coach, and arouses stress.

I can recollect a conversation with one of my first potential clients when I was starting out as a certified coach. He was an accomplished architect and we met at a hotel lounge that oversaw two buildings that he designed. I was enthralled but at the same time had the urge to prove that I was no less. If he knew architecture, I knew coaching. I must admit, I was an immature coach who hasn’t yet progressed much in doing his deep inner work. As any experienced coach would identify as an oxymoron, I wanted to prove that I was a good coach. Needless to say, he never hired me.

The focus on efficiency on the part of the coach leads to the next pitfall.

2. The Journey from the Coach to the Expert

The coach is not an expert in the client’s business or life. However, when the coach wants the session to be efficient, there’s a high possibility that the coach draws into his own judgement of the coachee’s situation. This leads to the coach thinking that he/she knows how the client should change. Gradually, the coach leads the conversation into the area where he believes the coachee should change. This gets picked up by the coachee, thanks to the mirror neuron networks in our brains, and emotional contagion is in full swing. The coachee wants to play along and comply.

I once hired a coach to help me with my business vision. It was a short engagement and the idea was that if we were a good match to work together, we would extend the contract. We started off great and I was thrilled by the ease with which he conducted workshops. He was a good teacher. I was excited about our one-on-one coaching sessions. By then, I was a professional coach and having worked with multiple coaches for my own personal development, I knew something was not quite right. In the session, I could sense feeling uncomfortable but discounted it for the usual feeling of subtle discomfort that is inherent in coaching when we are stretching out of our comfort zone. However, this was different.

Instead of being excited for the goals that we arrived at, I was anxious and in denial. In the days following our session, I sat down to take a deeper look at it and realized that those were never my goals in the first place. My coach advised me on what to do and despite my bewildered resistance, proceeded to make a plan of action. Owing to my extensive coach training, I knew that this was a cardinal sin in coaching, and we did not extend our engagement further.

3. Immediate Focus on Weaknesses

Now the coach wants efficiency, and the client complies. The coach is under performance pressure, and the best way to deliver performance and show immediate results is for the coach to pick up a weakness that the client has, and suggest to work on that. The client will agree on the goals for the time being because the coach has positioned himself into the role of an expert first rather than being a coach first. The duo work through the plan of action but no sustainable change happens. This is because the focus on working on the weaknesses invokes the state of Negative Emotional Attractor (NEA) and the associated stress response, and stops the process of sustainable change.

4. Early Focus on Data

Since coaching is both an art and a science and is backed by decades of qualitative and quantitative research, it makes sense that the coaching session is also driven by data. Many times, this data is collected from external assessments and 360 feedback. Just as data plays an important role in engagement, this immensely helps the coach and the coachee on arriving at focus areas. However, there’s a fine line to walk on. Introducing the external data early on in the process of coaching seduces the duo to highlight the weaknesses and drives the person into the NEA state. Research in the neuroscience of coaching highlights that the beginning of sustainable change happens only when the person is in the Positive Emotional Attractor (PEA) state. NEA can be triggered only at a much later point to counter the negative effects of excessive optimism and encourages people to develop.

The Coaching Approach That Works

People performing at a high level are usually smart and resourceful. The approach for coaches to take is, ‘what is limiting this smart and resourceful person from doing what they want to do?’ This relieves the coach from the assumed responsibility of being the solution-provider and helps focus on the appreciative inquiry that often leads to breakthroughs.

An insight into the Intentional Change Theory explains the scientific backing to sustainable change through the use of a more refined coaching approach for coaches working with high performers and leaders – the focus on an individual’s vision of an ideal self. This is distinct from coaching for compliance in its variety of forms.

The Ought Self

Coaching of this nature focuses on two distinct areas: invoking the ideal self to initiate and guide the change process, and focus on identifying strengths before considering weaknesses. This is starkly different from the novice approach to coaching around organisational goals without taking the coachee’s development into account. A more common type of coaching that is prevalent is to develop the client’s strengths but omit a focus on the ideal self, and rather on the Ought Self. When a person in need of help turns to someone and they suggest what they think is correct, they suggest an ought-self. This is appealing to accept because it is a quick fix, but the goals are not in alignment with the coachee’s internal aspirations. Change inspired by such goals is not in alignment with Self-Concordance and is bound to spiral down leading to a further potential loss in the coachee’s self-esteem.

As high-level coaches, our focus is not merely on change but sustainable change. It is not small behavioural changes that we are looking at, but rather developmental advances that incite passion and excitement in the client as opposed to stress.

What are some of your experiences with coaching? I would love to know!