I was in conversation with an old colleague earlier this week, and we were catching up about the happenings in her life. She was experiencing a lot of stress in her personal life and was trying to control her mind to feel better. It is common to feel stressed, and we usually overcome it by using will power.

I’m calling all of these various methods as will-power based approaches, because in all of them, there is something do be done, and you have to do it. In case you haven’t noticed, they don’t help as much as you’d like them to. They are momentary and do not produce sustained results. These methods include implementing techniques such as doodling, squeezing a ball, or meditation. All these techniques attempt to calm the mind. 

The other way we use our will power is through self-talk. The technique here is affirmations and positivity. My colleague was using this approach and was wondering why it didn’t help her. In her own words, “I am telling my mind to calm down“. And it stressed her even more.

When I heard that a little deeper, I wasn’t surprised that it didn’t help her. It was because of one simple reason: Who is telling her mind to calm down? It is the mind alone telling itself to calm down. And that is counter-productive.

Here’s a metaphor to illustrate what I mean:

Imagine a jar of still water – clear and reflective. Something happens and this jar gets disturbed. Ripples form on it’s surface and you can no longer see anything clearly. Let’s say you aren’t happy with this, and you want to bring this water back to it’s natural and still state. What would you do?

A really peaceful mind is like still water. It shows the reflection of reality as it is. 

A normal mind is akin to water with a few ripples on the surface. Each ripple is a thought in your awareness. It still shows reality but in a way that can be played around with. 

A stressful mind is water with a completely disturbed surface. It shows you a distorted reality. The disturbances are the stressful thoughts. This mind feels stressful because there are too many of the disturbances (thoughts) going on.

The easiest way to calm the ripples on the surface of the water is to let the water be. Any attempt at trying to calm the ripples down only produces more ripples. Once you understand this, you will see why no technique is very effective. 

When you master this understanding, inaction becomes complete action. This inaction is one of complete presence, with no attempt to control the waves of the mind. With no acknowledgement of these waves either – because the act of acknowledging is a ripple too. This is most effective because just as the water at it’s natural and default state is free of ripples, our minds are peaceful by their very nature. It is in our misunderstanding that we think we have to do something about it – and in thinking so, we take our minds further away from peace and wellbeing.

Do you hear something deeper in this? Do you see something new?

P.S: A hundred percent of your living experience is a direct result of your State of Mind. The solution to every challenge you are facing, and the key to your personal and professional growth is in mastering your being. If you want to get individualized support on exploring this dimension within yourself, I have one additional coaching spot open on my calendar starting April. Reach out to have a conversation and explore if the fit is right.